so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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