i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
