Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
