Just fell off a train. Bad.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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