It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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