i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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