Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
