I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
