but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
