Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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