His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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