Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
