i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This is my gift to your gina
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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