not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
