so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
