quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
