Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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