the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
