I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
