my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
