Too much gin, very little bucket
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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