My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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