Sponge bath it is.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
