I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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