im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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