i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
