im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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