I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
