It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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