yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
