i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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