I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
