i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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