just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Even my vagina gasped.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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