Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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