You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
