he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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