So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
