We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
