Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
