My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
