Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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