i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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