by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
