I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
