he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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