I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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