im drinking this country out of the recession.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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