Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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