jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
