So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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