I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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