Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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