You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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