Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
