last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
