One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
