We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
